The Blessing of Children

I’ve asked the Lord to show me what He means by “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.” -Psalm 127:3 NASB. To be honest, I’ve struggled finding these blessings when I constantly play referee to bickering or when my energy or pocketbook has just been drained for them without a word of appreciation. Sure there are times of laughter but they seem few and far between the others at times. But God…Believe it or not I was walking into a bathroom stall when He revealed it. A parent’s love… I mean no matter what my kids do I will always love them…no matter the mean words spoken or the angry fits, there is a love for them that just prevails and I can’t explain why, other than God and his magnificent plan for humanity. See every time I feel love when the kids “don’t deserve it” or when I mourn with them in grief over something or walk with them during a hard season or situation in life, I’m reminded that this is the unquenching kind of love that the Father has for us. I believe that God intentionally called us to have children so that we can have a reference of the kind of love He has for us. *** How can we not have mercy on our children when God has had much more abundant mercy on us as His children who do wrong and sin against Him? It’s a reflection of our relationship as children of God. And we in turn are charged with reflecting His love for humanity in our relationship with our children. I mean God’s love is perfect for us and His ways are just. We fail to keep His standard…but that makes parenting so much more sweeter when we can remind ourselves of how God looks at us in our times of rebellion. How HE walks with us through our seasons of life just like we do our children and sees us as the apple of His eye. It’s truly humbling. So every time there is a hard time, a frustration, a blow up, it is an immediate opportunity to be pointed back to God and wonder at the love that God has for us as our parental example. Our children are pointers for us to fix our eyes back on Him! No wonder He says “How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.” -Psalm 127:5

***Note: For those that don’t have children, God has a plan for you. The revelation of Himself as the perfect parent is not limited by an inability to have children or because He has called you to singleness/celibacy. He is Lord over it all and desires to reveal Himself no less to you. Trust Him and He will, in His timing.

My Miracle

February 2025 – DOGE. Not many people would associate that with a miracle but for me it started something deep in my heart and led me to His wonders. Well we all got that email saying we needed to Return to the Office and this time it was for good. Telework and remote work was over. And for me that culminated in me being called back to the office in Maryland, despite reaching out to MSFC and being secured a seat. Well moving back to Maryland was not going to happen. We had established our lives in Huntsville with no intent to return to the DMV. I knew this day would come…eventually….. but here I was and in the next 36 hours I had to make a decision to either resign or desperately find a way to get a job at MSFC, despite a government hiring freeze. Well after telling my MSFC colleagues that GSFC was not going to accept me sitting at another NASA center, I sent them my resume as a last ditch effort to try and see if they might have an internal NASA position coming available at MSFC that I could transfer into from GSFC. The next 36 hours were nothing short of a miracle. A whole team including those at the highest levels at MSFC were on the move to make it happen. All I had to do was sit back and watch God move on my behalf. Things like, the fact that God gave me courage to introduce myself to the tour coordinator for tours I took at MSFC last summer and who I reached out to when I needed help to get on MSFC; OR the fact that she said that every person she needed to talk to came into the room one right after another, after receiving my email just 15 minutes before her meeting; OR that through this we found out that we are neighbors and that for the past several years I could see her house through the trees as I sit at my desk working from home ; OR the fact that I realized that for the past several years she had been the one I saw swiftly walking past my house when she took her daily walk. Only God can make a set up like that….with only His touch of humor in those sweet surprises. And now I have a good outgoing friend, neighbor, and colleague to help me get acquainted with work at MSFC! That’s an answer to prayer too!

Now I didn’t know how things would turn out as we went through those 36 hours and that is where things get even sweeter because during this time of uncertainty in my mind, God had a plan to teach me more than just that He could move mountains to yet again secure my job. Here are the things He showed me:

  • During this time, I pressed into the Lord and that’s where I learned that God is greater than my greatest fear, my weakness (See To Be Known).
  • I remember driving down the road on my way to prayer and God just revealing himself to me. In my mind’s eye, I kept seeing this woman standing in front of the congregation at church and with a smile she was testifying that “God is good” even though she had just suddenly lost her husband. See I never quite understood where a person who had suffered such great tragedy was coming from but in this major life event is where I received a glimpse of what it is like to go through a trial and still say “God is good” regardless of the outcome. See I didn’t know how this would end (and still don’t to some extent) but I saw God use it to reveal Himself to me and teach me. This is how people who go through tragedy can say “God is good.” It’s not that God “fixed” what happened or that they aren’t grieving. It’s that despite it, He was there with us through it, teaching us about Himself, revealing who HE is and His ways and thus satisfying the deepest desire of our hearts – to know Him. As wild as that roller coaster was for a week and half and the most “out of control” one could feel, it was worth it just so that I could know my Savior more and see Him work directly on my behalf.
  • Not only was this a miracle in my job but this was a breakthrough in my spiritual walk with the Lord. I have never seen God move so detailed, so swiftly in my life before. And now I get to testify to it! All those times I heard of other’s miracles and even saw them in my husband’s life. Now I know He can do them for me. God showed me I had to address all the doubt I had been carrying the last several years….the doubt that God was going to do it for others but just maybe not for me. I had to address those doubting thoughts that I had entertained and let linger in my mind longer than they should have been. I had to repent of that. I had to stop them immediately when they came and make them bow to the Lordship of Christ over my life. To not doubt doesn’t mean that you trust God is going to do what you want but rather not doubting means you trust that He is good whether or not He does what you want, how you want it or how you think he will do it. It’s trusting His character, wanting His way over our own, and wanting to know Him more than wanting the thing you request. See God knows what we need, can provide it, but what He really wants is your heart. That sometimes means laying down your want to “know the future” and just trusting the one who does. It’s more about your heart than the thing that is going on. Now I know He can do the miracles and yes even for me.
  • He confirmed His word that “The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.” – Proverbs 21:1 God ultimately used people to bring GSFC management on board with the transfer rather than just a call back to GSFC to which I would have led to my resignation.
  • I had to wait a few weeks before the transfer would take affect. So when worry creeped up about whether things would actually come through, he reminded me through song to trust.

Through all of this, I’ve tasted and seen of His goodness and faithfulness and I just want to know Him more.

O taste and see that the Lord is good;
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! – Psalm 34:8

To Be Known

Thoughts on Psalm 139

Psalm 139 is probably one of the best known Psalms in the Bible. For me it is referenced the most when talking about the unborn. In fact as I was decorating my soon-to-be first born daughter’s bedroom in our old house in MD, I had Psalm 139:14 on the wall above her crib/toddler bed: “…I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” – Psalm 139:14 But it had been a long long time since I’ve read the entire Psalm and last Tuesday night at prayer that was the focus. What did this Psalm say about God, about us, and about others? To gloss over the other 23 verses or relegate that Psalm to just one verse was missing the depth, the richness with which we are loved by our Creator. It’s God revealing his depth of knowledge of us and ultimately His heart of love for us, His children. Psalm 139 shows us that we were planned for (let that sink in), formed and woven by Him. It shows we are known intimately, loved always, thought of continually and seen eternally by our Creator. So much so in fact that He is with us wherever we would find ourselves and regardless of how we got there. See what He showed me the past week as I walked in the unknown of the future is that regardless of my own understanding or abilities, regardless if I heard His voice correctly, regardless of the choice I made, He was going to be there with me through it all, leading and guiding me through it. …”Even there”… Even in the place of greatest fear…even in my mistakes. So it was time to take the pressure off myself, my abilities to hear Him, and just trust that He knew me enough to know all my thoughts and workings and that He was big enough to make His will known despite my limitations or weaknesses as long as I remained surrendered to Him… and that even if I did screw up by falling asleep at the spiritual wheel, He was going to be with me through it anyways. It may be less enjoyable but it’s His presence that matters most….and as I seek to know Him in this journey through life he reveals just how much I am known by Him.

God’s Perfect Knowledge of Man

For the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

139 O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You [a]comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have [b]hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in [c]hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall [d]fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness [e]shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You [f]covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for [g]I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My [h]frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you [i]bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
[j]Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with [k]perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

– https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%20139&version=NKJV

Darkness and Light

“…even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.” – Psalm 139:12

For the longest time I never understood what this meant even though it is part of one of the most well known Psalm in the Bible, Psalm 139. Even my favorite singer Michael W. Smith sings about it in his song “Light to You”. I headed to Tuesday night prayer during what has been the most challenging week of my life. The goal that night was to read and meditate on what Psalm 139 was saying about God, about us, and about others. There is a lot to unpack there and can be found in some of my other posts (to come). But God showed me this about verse 12: God sees both the darkness and light the same. The dark times and the good times have the same potential for Him to move. He can use either. He can be glorified in either because of who He is. What mountain is too big for Him? Is the darkness too much for Him? Is the light not enough? He can move in all. Darkness and light. He doesn’t fear or tremble at one more than the other because He is over them both. He’s not intimidated by either at any level. It doesn’t surprise Him or sway Him. He doesn’t blink. He knows who He is. He knows His power and He stands UNSHAKEN cause He is sovereign over it all.

Fighting For Me

April 19, 2023 – I was stressing for almost a week over a work meeting with Project Management. I didn’t know exactly what to expect and it was in front of all the Testbed Leads. I had lots of anxiety. On my drive home before the meeting the song Fighting For Me by Riley Clemmons came on and the Holy Spirit fell (I could feel His presence) as I sang it. He really confirmed that He was going before me and with me through it. That made me feel much better and the meeting went well. – God you are so good. Thank you for being there for me.-

Fighting For Me – Riley Clemmons

I need the kinda love that can outlast the night
I need the kinda love that is willing to fight

When the going gets tough
And my strength’s not enough
I see You showing up like never before
This battle for my heart
You took on from the start
You are the peace when my mind’s at war
And oh

You will never stop fighting for me
When I can’t fight for myself
Every word is a promise You keep
‘Cause You love me like nobody else
You stand up for me in the darkest night
When my faith is weak You’re still by my side
You will never stop fighting for me
You will never stop fighting for me

In the perfect timing You make all things right
You paint a silver lining in this heart of mine

When the going gets tough
And my strength’s not enough
I see You showing up like never before
This battle for my heart
You took on from the start
You are the peace when my mind’s at war
And oh

You will never stop fighting for me
When I can’t fight for myself
Every word is a promise You keep
‘Cause You love me like nobody else
You stand up for me in the darkest night
When my faith is weak You’re still by my side
You will never stop fighting for me
You will never stop fighting for me

Your love
Is winning me over
Your heart
Is pulling me closer
Your love
Is winning me over
Your heart
Is pulling me closer

You will never stop
Fighting for me, fighting for me
Every word is a promise You keep
Ohh, yeah

You will never stop fighting for me
When I can’t fight for myself (when I can’t)
Every word is a promise You keep (ohh)
‘Cause You love me like nobody else
You stand up for me in the darkest night (You stand up for me in the dark)
When my faith is weak You’re still by my side (yeah, yeah, my sidee)
You will never stop fighting for me
You will never stop fighting for me

Source: LyricFind

A Move Beyond

June 2021 – Moving to Huntsville was a dream fulfilled. A miracle. For me, it was a journey of faith and observance. My husband so full of faith and belief that God was going to make a way was beautiful to watch. His eggs were all in the basket. I on the other hand was less convinced. Sure, I had Anna do her state project on the state of Alabama that year as a mediocre faith statement “just in case it did happen” but disbelief and defenses went up especially when the way we thought we would get there fell through. Paul hadn’t been approved for remote work. After that, I convinced myself to not get my hopes up cause I didn’t want to feel disappointment. God knew it and He had a better plan… God had a special blessing for Paul, not our way that was less than but one that was more than we imagined, his dream job. And so he found favor with his boss and was recommended for a position in Huntsville at MSFC. He got his dream job and he never looked back. I’d been living my dream for 20+ years and it was his turn and I was blessed to be able to fully support him. Surprisingly, I found favor too. I was able to secure my position as remote…that too took a move of God. I had full support from my project but after already moving and the formalities of remote work having to be enacted due to the end of Covid, it was first denied and I found myself having less than 2 weeks to get back to Maryland….thankfully there was a way to get that delayed contingent on me finding a job at MSFC, but after several conversations, a letter of recommendation and a manager sticking his neck out for me (thanks Ross!), the decision was reversed and my GSFC position was converted to a full time remote position. I wouldn’t have to leave the team I had worked with all these years. So as we turned down Bailey Cove Rd The Blessing played on the radio, followed by New Day by Danny Gokey as we pulled into the driveway at our new house. I can only explain that that brief car ride down those streets as a holy moment, recognizing His presence with us, His speaking to us through that music confirming the move, and His provision beyond anything I could think, beyond my doubt.

Pilot

Reflection. As light in a mirror. That’s what this is about. It’s a (re)collection of what God has done, is doing, and the hope of the times to come in my life.  These are the miracles and the mysteries of just one life in the hopes of pointing others to see the beauty that He is making in your own as He draws you to Himself. May you get even a glimpse of who He is in my imperfect reflection of an awesome, holy God of love. This is a life well loved.